I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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