Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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