Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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