I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize