remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize