So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
