Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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