Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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