? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
