I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
