Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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