is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we should paint friendship bongs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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