...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
