Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
