If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize