Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
