If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
