Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
