is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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