One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
