Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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