do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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