that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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