Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
