woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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