My hand turned me down
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
