So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My life is pants optional.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
