But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
