There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
