i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
