I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
