At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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