I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
