I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
