i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
