When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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