oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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