don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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