I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
