I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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