Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
