I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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