4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
