I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
