He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize