based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
