About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
