his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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