Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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