This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
