There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
