I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
