You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
