peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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