I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
