dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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