I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And then he peed in my hair
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