dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
