He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
