Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
